I just have to believe that I am going to survive this heartache and learn to get over him.

There is no way I can get married again with this over analyzing state of mind.

I have a date tomorrow night.

This will be the first 'official' date I've been on with someone who is somewhat normal, has a brain between their ears, and is interested in me for me.

He actually ASKED me if he could call me. :)

I will provide details in the near future....

I think I'm going to get my master's in psychology.

The more I think about it, the better it sounds. Why?

I'd be a darn good counselor for young girls. I've been raped, hit, mentally abused, emotionally screwed over, tried drugs, partied, had some one night stands, you name it.

I'm so messed up that I could probably sort out everyone else's problems before I commit suicide.

Today he called me a fat ass bitch. I was surprised. I didn't think I was fat. A size 4 is fat? Maybe he's dating a model now....

"I think it's pathetic...it's called responsibility. Maybe someday you will learn what that means."

Bryan

This was in response to my answer for his request to give him more money: talk to my lawyer.

Funny...I didn't get upset and write a nasty comment when he hid the digital camera and denied me my heart-shaped waffle maker.

Let's discuss responsibility, SHALL WE?

I work 30-45 hours per week in the largest store in Texas. I take care of two dogs on my own- buy their food, pay for their vet bills, and maintain them overall. I am a full-time student double-majoring and looking towards my masters. I pay for my car insurance, cell phone, credit card bills- one that doesn't even have MY NAME on the account- my horse's board- that's right, she could be living on my property for free with 30 bucks a month in feed, but someone was more than happy to send her off- and of course, my own medication. These are necessities in my life. Soon, I will be paying my share of rent. Please note that I am hourly, and NOT on a salary with benefits and select days off. If I don't work, I don't get paid.

So, when a request came for an additional $100 per month, I decided to create separate budgets- of course, sending them to my lawyers. Just where does a salary earning man's money go to?

Here's what shocked me. I discovered a whopping $50 was being thrown away- on chiropractor visits!!! (GASP from audience) An additional $20 per month is being spent on tanning. I'm certain at least $15 per month is being spent on powder, protein, and other "wedontcallthemsteroidscuztheywontsellifwedo" garbage. There is $85 right there.

Okay, I'm done venting.

I light candles to give myself some warmth.

The love of my life, laying next to me on my parents bed...he begged me not to go to work that day.